“After serving six years in the Navy, I’ve spent the rest of my professional career working with Special Operations both in and out of my native home of Afghanistan.
When you hear ‘Special Operations’ you probably think of Navy SEALs, Army Rangers, Green Berets, etc. So you may be surprised to learn that there are thousands of women who not only work in Special Operations but many are commanding across multiple continents and warzones. Women in the fields of intelligence, psychological operations, logistics, civil-military affairs, aviation, medicine, and information warfare are integral members of the Special Operations community but their contributions remain largely untold.
During my last deployment from 2013 to 2014 as a Cultural Advisor to a NATO Special Operations headquarters in Kabul, I learned just how fortunate I was to feel a sense of ownership and belonging in the Special Operations community. Many of the women I met described feelings of loneliness and isolation, of being an ‘outsider’ and always having their guard up. But there were other women who felt just as at home as I did – making an impact on our national security, contributing to the team, accomplishing their mission. The more we discussed, the more we realized a common theme – we all had solid male mentors and champions who helped us navigate Special Operations culture and our career paths.
I returned from that deployment determined to learn why some men mentored women and others didn’t, why some women sought out male mentors and others didn’t. As I contemplated creating a mentor-matching program, I began talking to men who would make great mentors – men who had already shared stories of accomplished women they’d worked alongside and/or spoken highly of women in their lives who had excelled in the professional world.
One of those men was a British Army Specialist Military Colonel, Ash Alexander-Cooper. From the moment we met in Kabul, I knew he would be a lifelong friend. He was serious but funny, driven but humble, direct but kind. And although he would never let you know, he is a total badass (he’s a former helicopter pilot, had bullets in both legs, survived a suicide bomber detonating in front of him, and is an elite athlete).
But what endeared him to me were his stories of inclusive leadership, specifically his championing women to join his teams. Perhaps a motivator for him was his young daughter – the light of his life – who he’s raised as a smart, strong, and kind young woman. Upon retiring from the military, Ash started working at the McChrystal Group and when I asked him if he would sign up to be a mentor, he instantly said yes. And then I thought, ‘Maybe Ash would be willing to join our Board of Advisors.‘ In 2016, I co-founded and became President of PROMOTE. Ash has been on our Board from the beginning.
Our non-profit’s original mission was to match junior women in the military’s Special Operations community with senior men and women who would mentor them. We were surprised by how many well-respected men and women signed up as mentors.
But while we had dozens of junior women sign up, we were disappointed by the small numbers. Many women who lamented the dearth of male mentors told us: ‘Being part of a program specifically for women makes me feel more isolated from my male peers – men don’t need a program to find their mentors so this makes women look weak.’ Several asked us to put on a public event that spoke broadly about the importance of inclusive leadership where they could meet potential mentors and develop a network.
I approached Ash about being our keynote speaker and not only did he say yes, but he traveled on his own dime and absolutely crushed it. The audience at the Airborne and Special Operations Museum in Fayetteville, NC was enthralled as he spoke about his Iraq experience and how inclusive teams make better decisions and are more creative/innovative. He also gave an insightful interview to The Fayetteville Observer, a local paper that covered the event, which led to a two-star Army General reaching out to PROMOTE and asking us to conduct a workshop for his Command. And that was our tipping point. The military is small; your reputation is your social currency. After the success of that first event, in part due to Ash’s dedication, we’ve conducted numerous workshops across the national security sector.
Ash now lives in London working for Palantir Technologies and supports numerous innovative businesses and charities. But he doesn’t let the distance, time difference, or busy schedule be a barrier. He’s always available when I have a question, always seeks to include us in his efforts/initiatives, always connects us to others who share our passion. Two of Ash’s colleagues also joined PROMOTE’s Board and collectively, we are working to develop more inclusive leaders and change the narrative about women in the military from one of ‘supporting actresses’ to critical, vital contributors to global security.
Starting a non-profit is hard. It’s fundamentally a startup – a small business that requires a tremendous amount of dedication, motivation, hustle, and people who believe in you.
Thank you, Ash – for believing in me, PROMOTE, and the power of inclusive leaders. Perhaps most importantly, thanks for proving Afghans and Brits can get along!”
Ash’s Story
“Throughout both my military and subsequent business career, I have been lucky enough to meet and work with scores of deeply impressive women. What I often failed to appreciate however, were the Herculean obstacles many women had to overcome to be successful, particularly those in leadership or specialist roles previously performed exclusively by men.
Having spent many years in elite sports and the military, I realized that some of the most effective teams were those that actively sought diverse views, experiences or skills to make the team stronger. However, it wasn’t until I experienced the issue firsthand that I decided I needed to act.
During my seventh tour of Afghanistan leading a diverse group of international military specialists, I was asked to select a new logistics officer who would also act as mentor to our Afghan partners. I was duly presented with three resumes, of which two were averagely qualified men and one was a very well qualified woman. Having selected the woman, I was then informed that I had to instead pick one of the two men as her resume had only been added ‘for balance.’ This was unacceptable on many levels so I stood my ground and, with the team’s support, she did an outstanding job.
When I first met Lyla in Kabul in 2013, I was struck immediately by her energy, professionalism, dry sense of humour, and desire to make a positive difference in everything she did. We clicked immediately and, by dint of the work we were both doing, our paths crossed routinely as we engaged with senior members of the Afghan government and coalition elements. Not only was Lyla clearly very capable and driven, but she refused to allow anyone to give her an easier path to success on account of her gender. She, and many women in our command at that time rightly wanted to be measured through their achievements alone.
Although Lyla’s experience was different to mine, for obvious reasons, we both identified that many of the most capable women in Special Operations failed to achieve their full potential, often due to a lack of an appropriate support, ally and mentor network. So when Lyla asked me if I would support PROMOTE, I could not refuse. Lyla and the PROMOTE team deepened my appreciation of the power of inclusive leaders and teams. As a result, I’ve found myself involved with a number of other organisations promoting diversity, inclusion, kindness and empathy upon returning to the UK, including the Women of the Future Programme. I’m honored to be on PROMOTE’s board and can’t wait to see what they future holds for women across the world.”