“I was recently caught off guard by a question about whether I unintentionally promote the ‘Cinderella Complex’ in my work with men and in my book WE: Men, Women and the Decisive Formula for Winning at Work.

In case you aren’t familiar with the term, the Cinderella Complex was coined by Colette Dowling in her 1981 book, The Cinderella Complex: Women’s Hidden Fear of Independence. Her premise is that many women fear of independence, have an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others and are especially dependent on men to fix their problems.

Nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to my work and WE. I equip both men and women to work—intentionally—and more effectively together so that they both win, improve their business results, and therefore strengthen society and the economy.

My professional trajectory was shaped by this “we both win together effect” starting early in my career. Here are the three professional relationships that showed me what winning together at work looks like.

The Coach

John Harris was one of my early managers at NationsBank (which became part of Bank of America). John had incredibly high standards of performance and an unusual bottom-line approach to the Organization Development and Training work we did. He began every internal client engagement by diving deeply into the business unit’s results and its executive’s leadership. John spent a great deal of one-on-one time with me, first having me observe him in high-level meetings and then walking me through detailed analyses and teaching me how to ask questions that got to the root causes of issues.

His personal commitment to my performance and his coaching made me a much better consultant. In addition, it improved our team results and led to John being recognized by senior executives as someone who could develop junior talent and deliver value. His investment led to future promotions for both of us.

The Sponsor

Doug Cruickshanks was the president of the Mid-Atlantic region of the bank. One of his expectations was that every task at the bank would be completed at the highest level of quality and service. I’ll never forget the time he dialed a phone number in the bank and his call was not answered. He took the elevator down to the department he’d called and answered the phone himself to make the point that every call was important and deserved immediate attention. Lessons like this are etched in my memory and influenced the way I approach business and clients.

When I headed training and HR functions for the region of the bank that Doug headed up, he made sure I was part of critical business discussions and decisions. Because of him, I was always at the senior leadership table and my input was valued.

His sponsorship elevated my visibility at the bank and led to opportunities for me to take on challenging, high profile assignments. Yes, these opportunities helped my career. They also ensured that Doug made better business decisions because he’d incorporated diverse perspectives and ideas and developed high-potential talent.

The Challenger

Paul MacMillan was one of my early internal clients at the bank. Like me, he was a young, ambitious, driven leader. When we worked together on transformational change initiatives, we pushed each other by asking tough questions and coming up with new and innovative ways to achieve what we wanted to accomplish. And, we always gave each other direct, candid and helpful feedback. Our style of mutually challenging each other elevated both our results and careers. Many years later, Paul and I are still connected, call each other to explore ideas and challenge each other to higher levels of performance.

Paul was instrumental in giving me feedback while I was writing WE: Men, Women and the Decisive Formula for Winning at Work and he identified a critical missing perspective that immeasurably strengthened the final version.

The roles that each of these male leaders played in my career have informed and inspired my work for over two decades. Yes, these men and countless others have been helpful and instrumental in my professional trajectory. I’ve also been in theirs.

-Rania H. Anderson, Founder, The Way Women Work
Kansas City, MO

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Rania H. Anderson is the author of “WE: Men, Women, and the Decisive Formula for Winning at Work“. the first hands-on guide for men and managers to recruit, retain and lead with women. She strengthens and transforms the way men and women work together to improve their collective success. Sought after for her unique insights and expertise, she is a keynote speaker at corporations and conferences, coaches business leaders and is an angel investor. Connect @TheWayWomenWork